Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
