i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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