Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
