I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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