I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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