I think im going to throw up on grandma
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
