Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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