she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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