the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
