forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
