you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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