covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
