her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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