Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
