That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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