he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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