Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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