Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
