I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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