went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I deserve this hangover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
