I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
