who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
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