I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
