Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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