Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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