I want to walk on stilts...naked
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
