Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
