Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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