What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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