genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize