hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
