So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
