My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found puke in my bra..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
