I could make wine with my vomit
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dicks are not precious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
