I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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