Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize