names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
