Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
