Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
