im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
