Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
