We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
