you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
