last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
