Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sober January is a disaster.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
