ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
