How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
