Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
