Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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