he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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