there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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