I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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