I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
