Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
