I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
