what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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