I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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