whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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