Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
