I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
