You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
