sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
