We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
